Heroes: The Bad Attempt At Comedy
by Paradisedude91
Summary: This is my bad attempt at comedy! It's a very Heroish christmas! Hiro is throwing a party bash, Sylar is going to be Santa? Yep! The real aftermath to Season Two, and some bad comedy that's sure to make you laugh in shame!
1. Chapter One, A Very Heroish Christmas

_**Hello there! Thanks for clicking on this story. Hopefully you find some of this funny. I love Heroes, but I couldn't resist mocking the characters just a lil' bit and having a good ol' fashioned Heroes type Christmas. I hope you enjoy it.**_

_"A VERY HEROISH CHRISTMAS"_

"There are times in life that we must face things head on.

Hiro Nakamura looked at the Christmas tree in front of him. There were christmas lights lighting up, with ornaments located a bound the tree. Beside him, Ando Masahashi was looking on with great disdain.

"Yatta!" Hiro screamed, holding his arms up for nearly twenty seconds before going back to normal. "We're ready for the Christmas party!"

"Hiro, I think you went a little overboard." Ando said, rolling his eyes at everything around him.

"What makes you think that?" Hiro questioned. Elevator-esque Christmas instrumental music was playing around them. Other than that, there was a huge Christmas tree with many, many gifts, milk and cookies for all the many guests that were going to arrive. Right now, Hiro was setting up a bowl of milk and cookies for Santa by the fireplace.

"Santa isn't real." Ando said suddenly.

"I think I know what's going on here."

"What?" Ando asked defensively.

"You are worried your going to get coal from Santa. After all, you have been to some very--bootylicious websites, if you get my drift."

"I go to those websites for the articles."

"Riiight." Hiro said, winking at Ando who blushed.

"Hiro, I just think you are going to a lot of trouble."

"That's because santa is coming! Yatta! Santa's coming!! YATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Hiro said, holding his arms up for longer than twenty seconds this time.

---

We must pucker our lips.

"Nathan?" Peter Petrelli asked, holding his brothers body in his arms. He had been shot.

"Pete?" Nathan Petrelli said, springing back to life seconds later.

"How are you--alive?" Peter said, oblivious to the plot around him.

"Adam's blood is still in my bloodstream."

"That's convient."

Peter then went on normally, forgetting that someone had shot his brother for the time being.

"Yep. Hey, I hope you don't mind, I let Hiro throw a party at your-our- your- whoever it is's apartment." Peter declared. He helped his brother to his feet.

"Are there going to be milk and cookies? I like me some milk and cookies." Nathan said, winking at Peter.

"I can't believe you got shot and we already resolved it in like twenty seconds." Peter said in disbelief.

"That is kind of odd. Oh well. Let's go to Hiro's party! I wonder if he has chocolate chip cookies."

Peter shook his fist and laughed to himself. What a day.

---

"We must sip our tea, hoping it is delictable and tasty. And that it isn't too hot. And then, we can realize our true destiny." Mohinder Suresh said to himself. He was drinking tea. Like always, he had to recite a monologue about something at least once every hour.

"Why don't you shut your pie hole." Matt said, throwing a bannana at Mohinder.

"Silly Matt, bannana's are for monkeys."

"Have you ever heard of this site called Fan Fiction? There's this user named ParadiseDude91. He wrote this story called Heroes: New Beginnings. It is so brilliant! Check out this tagline: The farmboy is the future!"

"Oh my gosh."

"What is it?" Matt asked.

"I just got the urge to drop everything I'm doing and go to that URL and read about that story!" Mohinder said, walking over.

"It's about this 1950's farmboy who sees global war in 2009! 2009! Oh em gee! It's amazing. Plus, there's this seductive thief, a perverted teenager, the farmboy's girlfriend, an Irishman, and a variety of characters!" Matt exclaimed.

"Hot dog! Give me a chair!" Mohinder said excitedly as he began to read the brilliant story from ParadiseDude91.

"Hey guys? Can you make me some bacon and eggs?" Molly asked sweetly.

"Look at this! There's a social outcast who can draw superheroes! No way!" Matt burst.

"A girl trying to blend in with the crowd who can heal people!" Mohinder said excitedly reading.

"Bacon and eggs?" Molly asked innocently.

"Gosh, shut up. Here." Matt said, taking out a piece of paper and drawing a picture of bacon and eggs as Mohinder read.

"What did I miss?" Matt said with great concern.

"Brilliant writing!" Mohinder said as they both chuckled in agreement. Molly started crying.

"At least Santa will bring me things tonight." Molly said to herself. Hey wait, she said in her mind. I can find Santa right now! Pulling out a map from her pocket, she closed her eyes and thought of Matt- er- Santa. Oops, she thought.

"Hey guys? I just used my clairvoyance and Santa's nowhere!"

"Umm---" Matt said in shock as he finally turned away from the greatest story he had ever read.

"Uhh---"

"Um--uh--er--uh--eh? Uh--"

"Umm-" Mohinder said.

"Let's talk about sexual relations." Matt said out of nowhere. The awkward silence ensued.

-----

On a rooftop, Gabriel Gray/Sylar/crazy dude stood, his enhanced hearing coming in handy. He had heard everything. Now was his chance. He could pretend he was Santa and take down all of his enemies. He liked wearing disguises. He also liked giving away presents to liittle children. I'm going to be Santa, he thought. Where can I find a Santa suit?

Suddenly, a seagull swooped by the rooftop and dropped a Santa suit.

"What a friendly little seagull." Sylar said evilly, wondering why a seagull was in New York. Out of nowhere, clocks started going off in his head. I should look into that. Not until after I become Santa, he thought. Time to have some fun.

_HEROES_

_VOLUME : "A VERY HEROISH CHRISTMAS"_

_DONT MISS ANY OF THE HEARTSTOPPING FRESH CHAPTERS OF THE NEW HIT NOVEL SERIES, HEROES: NEW BEGINNINGS! READ IT TODAY! THE FARMBOY IS THE FUTURE! WHAT A TAG LINE!_


	2. A Very Heroish Christmas p2

---

"It's been done." Mr. Bennet said anxiously.

"Coolio, homie." Bob answered out of nowhere. That's totally out of character, Mr. Bennet thought.

"Bob--oh forget it. Now, how much is it going to take to make this go away?" HRG asked. He took his wallet out.

"Noah, you can't pay this off. The Company makes deals and we don't go back on them." Bob lectured.

"Here's $5" Mr. Bennet said, handing him the dollar bill.

"Done." Bob anxiously answered. He shook his hand.

--

HRG went inside.

Claire looked as the door opened again. Her father had just left twenty seconds ago? Could this be true? Could this cliffhanger be resolved so soon?

"I'm home again. Oh gosh, I'm so glad to see you. You look so beautiful. I just now noticed how you've truly grown. Not just as my friend, but as a member of the family. I can't live without you. I love you---" Mr. Bennet started.

"I love you too, Dad." Claire said, rushing to hug him.

"Mr. Muggles." He finished. He embraced Mr. Muggles in a hug that lasted minutes. Talk about being melodramatic, she thought.

"I hate you!" Claire screamed. She rushed to her bedroom.

"I was going to say that I love you too Claire. Teenagers..." HRG said, deciding to read the paper and ignoring another one of Claire's tantrums.

---

"I'm doing this for us. I have to do this Micah." Niki said as she finished her monologue to Micah, her son.

"That's what you always say before you do something bad." Micah said as if on cue.

"We have to do this."

"But--what he starts reciting one of his monologues?"

"You just run away, sweetie." Niki said as she comforted her soon.

"Okay. What about you? Can you handle this party? There are going to be a lot of people there. What if your alternate personality emerges and destroys everything? And then you kill every single person and slaughter them? "

"We'll have to take that risk." She decided. She had made another adult decision. It was time for the rest of her life.

---

"Santa? Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa!" Hiro screamed. What if it was Santa coming to the party? What if he was here now? He was bound to show up sooner or later. Niki came in with her son, Micah.

"Butt." Ando said to himself as he watched Niki.

"Ando, coal, remember." Hiro said as he nudged Ando.

"But how could Santa be here it's not even that late? Santa always comes late!" Ando said as pretended like he was finishing his sentence.

"Are you excited about Santa little boy?" Hiro asked as he bent over to talk to Micah.

"Yes! I asked for a Playstation 3, an I-Phone, a car, a new house, a couch, and the girls from Deal or No Deal!" Micah said happily.

"Oh. Don't you think there are finer things in life than presents little boy? Like experiencing memories to last a lifetime?"

"Your right. I'll take the couch off the list." Micah said after great consideration. Hiro dropped to the ground in shock at what Micah at said; just like he had seen it on all the animes he so loved.

"So, Niki, Oops! I dropped this napkin on the floor; can you pick it up for me?"Ando asked devilishly. On his shoulder, two Hiro's emerged.

"Coal! Coal! Coal! From Santa! Santa! Santa!" Present Hiro said quickly.

"Take a peak, what's the harm?" Future Hiro said with a wink.

Ando had to make a decision.

"I'll pick it up." Ando decided. Hiro from far away gave the thumbs up. He came over to talk to Niki.

"So, Niki, did you like my Christmas gift? Tickets to Oprah!"

"Oh yeah." Niki lied.

--

_"So, I go to the guy and say, "Hey I'm Oprah!" and then he gives me a hundred dollars! Ha!" Oprah said as the crowd went nuts and laughed hysterically for about thirty seconds. Niki wondered what she had done to deserve this._

_"I love you all! I love you! It's too bad I didn't get you all anything for Christmas...OH WAIT! I'm giving away freeeeeeeee lamps---to everyone in the audience!" Oprah said loudly as the crowd roared and stood on their feet. They were going this nuts for lamps? Niki looked around her. This was hell. She shuddered._

_---_

"What happens when you face the thing that you love? That you can't stop reading? The brilliant writing, original characters, and hilarious jokes are there. They are waiting. Will you answer the call when it beckons?

Peter and Nathan both were flying together to Nathan's apartment. It seemed like a normal day. Two brothers, hanging out.

"Nathan.." Peter said solemnly.

"What is it Peter?" Nathan asked as he prepared to answer Peter's statement. It was probably: Who shot you? Why did I blow up? Why did I help a crazy lunatic release a killer virus to the world?

"Do you think I'm going to get lots of candy for Christmas??" Peter asked with a childish glance. Nathan tried to think of an honest answer. A politician never lies.

"Peter-- you nearly blew up New York City, killed people who were going to save the world, and helped out an evil guy kill 93 of the world's population."

"Is that a no?"

"I just think you might not be getting too much from Santa."

"Aw, shucks." Peter said in disappointment. He really wanted some candy.

---

"Will you read the story now? Will you?" Mohinder finished. It was his hourly monologue. They had spent all day catching up on the story.

"Thank God we sent Molly to school. Hopefully she won't ask any more questions." Matt said.

"That was certainly a close call." Mohinder recalled. A flashback was coming. Matt fell asleep as he listened to Mohinder hopelessly try to imitate Molly and all that they had said in the minutes previous

--

_"Sexual relations. Sexual intercourse." Matt said as the silence ensued._

_"Uh--" Mohinder said, trying to think of something to say._

_"What?" Molly asked as she became interested._

_"What Sant---Matt-- meant to say was that..Oh gosh. I feel a monologue coming on. _

_The birds and the bees. What happens when a boy meets a girl? When a pinecone falls from a tree? What happens when we face destiny? We must face it head on. It's the only way we can tackle what is coming. It lurks in the shadows. When the first date arrives we must make a choice. To tackle it, or perish. After that date more questions arrive. What is the future? Can we change it? Can we save the world? We can all change the world. We can change the future."_

_Molly stared at Mohinder with her mouth open. What was he talking about? Matt had fallen asleep, drool coming from his lip._

_"Does that answer your questions?" Mohinder asked, smiling to himself. What a monologue. _

_"N---" Molly started. The seconds slowed down. Mohinder waited for an answer. His life was on the line. "O." Molly said. Mohinder's heart broke._

_"You should get to school." Mohinder said as he turned away, a tear falling._

_"I don't have school today, its Christmas break!" _

_"We'll pick you up this afternoon." Mohinder answered as he took Molly's backpack and handed it to her. He nudged her out the door. They were going to Hiro's party later. I've gotten some new dance moves, Mohinder thought. That will cheer me up._

_---_

Mr. Bennet sipped some hot chocolate. He was enjoying his life. Things were going better than expected. The newspaper article was as interesting as it had ever been. It was about fruit. I'm really hungry, he thought. In the distance, he heard Claire falling down the stairs. Luckily, she was able to crack her head back into place. HRG continued reading the newspaper like nothing happened.

"Hi dad." Claire said like she forgot that she was supposed to be hating her father.

"Hi pear." Mr. Bennet said. It was as if a bomb had been dropped. Time froze. Mr. Bennet knew this was past the line.

"I hate you!" Claire screamed. She ran upstairs again. HRG looked at himself in dismay. I can't believe I did that. She'll never let me live it down. There was only one thing to do. HRG walked outside.

--

"Haitian?" HRG asked. The Haitian moved down the ladder. HRG had told the Haitian to set up Christmas lights all day. It was awfully nice that he had agreed to spend his afternoon putting up Christmas lights on someone else's house for three hours.

"Yes?" The Haitian asked with great distress.

"Claire needs another swipe."

"Then tell her to put on more arm deodorant." The Haitian joked with a cunning smile and laugh. HRG was not amused.

"Just for that-- you know what. I'm cancelling my Amazon order. No season three of The O.C. for you." HRG said. The Haitian looked away in sadness.

"I'll do the deed. Are we still going to Hiro's party?"

"Yes. Our comedy routine will go according to plan. Fear not, old friend."

---

Hiro heard the doorbell ring.

"Santa! It's Santa! Santa!" Hiro screamed loudly as the door opened. Two guests appeared. It was Elle and Bob, but things were different.

"Yo yo yo! Waz up my homie dawgs? Word up!" Bob said. He was wearing a bandanna. Things had certainly changed. Hiro and Ando looked around wondering what the heck was going on.

"Yo!" Ando said out of nowhere. Everyone looked at him. Ando looked around and then looked at the ground.

"Straight up, ballin'!" Bob said as he shot an imaginary basket.

"I hope your having a Merry Christmas everyone!" Elle said as she gave away candy canes.

"Why, thank you, Elle." Hiro responded as she gave him a candy cane. Someone was finally in the Christmas spirit.

"What's cracka lackin'?" Bob asked Niki, high-fiving her.

"Hey Bob. Not much. You know..this time of year really makes me think of my husband. Everytime I think of him I cry." Niki said solemnly.

"Yeah, just try to keep it on the D.L." Micah instructed Bob. Niki started crying. Micah shook his head at the dumb sentence he had just said.

"That was stupid." He said to himself in a whisper.

---

"Matt? Matt? Matt." Mohinder said. It was time to wake up Matt. He had been trying for two hours. He was still drooling. He sure did take a lot of naps. He had even tried to take one during his beautiful, sexy, monologue.

"Bunny. Don't chase me. No! He's coming after me. Don't eat me giant bunny! Please!" Mohinder laughed at this.

"Matt? Matt! I'm making pizza."

Matt woke up from his slumber.

"Pizza? Where?" Matt asked as he got up looking through the cabinets for the pizza. On cue, the monologue of the hour began.

"Oh crap." Matt said to himself. It was time again.

"Sometimes in life we must face the cold truths. The things we want are not always where we want them to be. We must take things when they come. We must tackle our fears. In order to be happy, we must enjoy events in our lives. Take your coat, Matt, and let's go to Hiro's party. Then, we can enjoy food and see what fate has decided. We can face our fellow heroes. We can hope that things will go well. That we will fill our tummies with food."

Mohinder looked around. Matt was already gone. Luckily, he had recorded it just like he recorded all of his monologues. He would play all them back to hear his sexy, raspy voice. Matt would hear his monologue. That was for sure.

---


	3. A Very Heroish Christmas p3 sort of lol

Okay, so. Lol, I've been thinking what I was giong to say for awhile about this. I MEANT for the whole thing to be done for Christmas, but that hasn't really worked out too well. I always seem to get distracted. For that, I apologize to everyone. HoweverI am going to try and finish it tommorow. How am I going to do that? I'll have to update like hourly or something. But somehow or another I'm going to try and wrap it up, so sorry for sucking :) In the mean time though, check out Heroes: New Beginnings! just kiddin' but i hope you like this next part..i didnt have much time and i was barealy awake..so its probably not funny hehe but its better than nothin'

---

Sylar was at the mall. He was eating a Klondike bar. It sure was delicious.

"What would you do for a Klondike bar?" Sylar joked to himself. He was hilarious. After finishing the last bite, he walked away, carrying his red Santa suit.

"Hey, hey, hey you." A man said walking up to him.

"Howdy." Sylar greeted.

"You're the new Santa we sent for right? You go on in five minutes." The man said. Sylar looked around him.

"What? I have to go kill people-- I mean--uh--sing carols."

"Did I say five minutes? I meant five seconds." The man boomed. Sylar was going to have to be Santa. In agony, he put on the Santa suit as fast as he could. The kids were coming. He did like making people happy around Christmas time, but he would rather kill people. Oh well, it can wait, he thought. The clocks went off in his head. Bah humbug.

---

Peter and Nathan were about to enter the door to Hiro's party. This was the moment where Peter could finally get some candy.

"Nathan, wait!" Peter said as he grabbed Nathan at the last possible moment as he opened the door.

"What is it?"

"Tomorrow is Christmas. And, well. Just forget it." Peter said, giving him a puppy dog face.

"No, Peter. What is it?"

"It's just...every Christmas I get a picture on Santa's lap."

"That's childish. You're like, in your twenties aren't you? Heh. I mean. It's not what it sounds like. I know how old you are. You're twenty...ish." Peter burst out laughing.

"You are one hilarious jokester. Pretending like you don't remember how old I am!"

"Oh yeah." Nathan said. It was time for his fake smile.

"No, but really, I want a picture with Santa! Now! Now!"

"We don't have time! The parties like already started! I want to get some cookies."

"I didn't want to have to resort to this..but if you don't take me to Santa's lap, I'll be force to tell the truth. About what you really do in your office."

"What? I have no idea what your talking about." Nathan lied as he squirmed.

"Let me explain to you in a flashback." Peter said with a wink.

--

_Peter walked into Nathan's office. He wanted to show him what he had made with play-do. To his surprise, Nathan was in his chair facing the window. He was on the phone._

_"Hello?" _

_"Is this the President?" Nathan asked. He was trying to keep a straight face. _

_"Yes, Hey Dick." Peter laughed at the word 'dick'. "Listen. I want the llamas in my limo. Do whatever you have to do. I take my posse wherever I go." George Bush declared. _

_"It's not about that. Is your refrigerator running?" _

_"Why, yes! Yes it is! Why do you ask?" _

_"You better go catch it!" Nathan said as he hung up. He had just prank called the President! It sure was awesome working for the government!" _

"Wow. How did you do that? All the sudden a burst of white light came over my mind and I saw that moment all over again." Nathan said in awe.

"Beats me. Come on, Nate! We gotta hurry!" Peter said as he grabbed Nathan's hand. They were off on another adventure.

---

Mr. Bennet looked at his horn-rimmed glasses. They sure were sexy.

"Claire!" He said loudly.

"Hey dad! How are you doing? Hey look at me! I'm on roller skates!" Claire said ecstatically. In seconds, she was rolling down the stairs. Another injury. Claire put her head back into place again.

"Clairebear, it's time to go to that weird fish looking dude's house."

"Dad! I don't want to! I want to mope about my problems some more! Like-like! They cancelled Gillmore Girls! Plus, it's not like Santa's real, I mean come on."

"Santa's not real?" The Haitian asked as he entered the room.

"He's real, Claire's just pretending like he isn't. It's like a role playing game! Say, Haitian, why don't you _remind_ her that Santa is real."

"How could I do that?"

"By erasing her mind."

"I knew that." The Haitian replied.

---

You've heard the mysterious promotions. "Save the Cheerleader, Save The World." But now, it's "Sylar's Santa, Uh-Oh." In the coming chapters, it's time to, well. PARTY! Sylar and Peter face off in the most unexpected places-- on Sylar's lap. Hiro waits for Santa. The heroes find out the real meaning of Christmas. Mohinder prepares another monologue. In the coming chapters, Santa will be coming.

I hope you lost a bet..why are you reading this instead of waiting for Santa ;)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!


	4. A Very Heroish Christmas p4

_So, hey everyone. Lol. I did finish this thing like I promised. But, I didn't really plan all of this stuff ahead of time so most of it was "improv" so sorry for sucking but if you've read to this point, you should be used to that._

_NEXT PART! CHA!_

_---_

Hiro was forcing everyone to sing Christmas songs. It wasn't pretty.

"SILLENT NIGHT!!" Hiro screamed. It was totally out of tune. A knock at the door froze everyone.

"Who could it be?" Ando asked as he read from the cue cards Hiro had given him.

"I think it's someone with a big tummy and who likes to eat cookies." Hiro said. He was trying to get Micah excited. Micah was too busy playing his Nintendo DS.

"Santa! Santa! Santa!" Hiro asked as the door opened. Time seemed to stand still. It was Santa! The big tummy was there. It looked like he liked cookies! Hiro rushed to him and held him in a long hug.

"Santa! Why aren't you wearing your suit?"

Mohinder laughed as Matt tried to hold his temper.

"I'm not Santa! I'm sick of people calling me that. Just because I like to eat food. Eleven times a day. Okay, so I've gained a couple pounds."

"A couple. Tah! Psh." Mohinder exclaimed. Matt gave him a dirty look.

"Where's Molly?" Hiro asked. Micah perked up.

"Oh--uh, she couldn't make it. She had to go to school."

"There is no school today." Micah said. What a twerp, Matt and Mohinder both thought.

"Can it, kid." Matt said, throwing a cookie at Micah.

"Silly Matt, cookies are for the cookie monster!" Micah replied. Then he went into the other room.

"Stupid kid..gr..i swear..ugh.." Matt droned.

"Don't worry everyone! I am sure Molly is fine!" Mohinder encouraged everyone.

---

Molly was walking the streets alone. At least she was away from the Santa look like and the never-shut-up man. Someone came by her. It was Angela Petrelli.

"Hello, little girl." Angela said.

"Um, hi? What's up?" Molly asked.

"I know this is sudden..but can you spend Christmas with me? My sons are throwing some party. They are a little--angry with me. I accidentally told one of them to shoot the other. And then there's the whole fiasco where I tried to blow up New York City."

Molly's mouth dropped. What a crazy wacko!

"I just..I want to play dress-up with someone. Peter always let me dress him up in little dresses. He even did some ballet. But..they have their party. Will you try on some dresses? It will be fun. We can play for eight hours!" Molly tried to run, but it was too late. She was going to have to try on dresses. For eight hours!

---

"Hello little boy! What can I get you? I know I'm asking for Brain---trains for Christmas." Sylar said as he greeted another kid. This wasn't fun.

"I want an airplane for Christmas!" The kid said. He meant business.

"Ho ho ho! Isn't an airplane a little big for such a little boy?" Sylar asked. Little did he know what was coming. The kid got up and punched him in the stomach. Sylar sat frozen. He tried to keep his cool. Sylar's stomach really hurt. Rawr, he thought. Things weren't looking good.

---

Peter was riding his new bike. In the mall. He had stolen some money from Nathan's wallet when he wasn't looking. Santa! He thought! Then he remembered what Nathan had said to him before he had left to go get Claire's gift.

_"Peter, whatever you do. Don't join forces with strangers! And whatever you do: don't listen to them when they say they are saving the world. They are really trying to destroy it!"_

Peter remembered those words. Before he could get to Santa's lap, someone stopped him.

"Sir, you're above the maximum age to go on Santa's lap." A woman said. This wasn't going to go well.

"Quit being such a party pooper!" He complained.

"Don't make me call security!" She said sternly.

"Tattle tale.." He mumbled under his breath.

"What was that?" She said. They were about to throw down. Peter had to think of something fast Oh wait! I have super powers! How could he have forgotten?

_'You want to let me see Santa. You want to take a picture of me on Santa's lap. You want to buy me some Pokémon cards. I really want a Charizard one!"_

It had worked. She let him in. It was time to see Santa.

---

Hiro was listening for Santa on the roof. He was looking up, waiting for the slightest noise on it. When was Santa going to arrive?

"Santa!" Hiro exclaimed.

HRG, Claire, and The Haitian entered.

"Is everyone excited about SANTAAAAAAAAAA?" Claire asked. She was acting like a five year old.

"Yes!" Hiro replied. Everyone else was sleeping on the floor.

"Good evening everyone." HRG said to Hiro. There was no one else awake. What kind of party was this?

"How are we supposed to do our comedy routine if everyone is asleep?" The Haitian insisted.

"Hey, I have this megaphone in my pocket!" Hiro said.

"Whoa! Whoa!" Claire said. She slipped on a banana and cracked her head. Luckily, she put her head back into place. No one looked at her.

"So, Haitian, what's up?" HRG asked as he used the megaphone. Claire ran to the drum set.

"Hm...the ceiling!" The Haitian answered. Claire hit the joke drum. Hiro looked around in confusion.

"What is a sponge's favorite thing to do at Halloween?" The Haitian asked. People were still trying to sleep.

"Bob!" Mr. Bennet answered. Matt threw his shoe at him. Micah threw his DS at him. Hiro threw food at him. HRG and the Haitian retreated. Claire hit the joke drum but was impaled with food.

"That didn't go well." HRG concurred.

---

Sylar wanted some eggnog. He was getting tired of all of this. Oh my! Peter was walking towards him. This was his chance.

"Hey Santa! Long time no see!" He said as he planted himself on Sylar's lap. Was Peter really sitting on his lap?

"Hi there. What can I get you?" Sylar asked deviously.

"Okay, I made a list. I want: a furbie, a monkey named Zaboomafu, Hannah Montana tickets, a treehouse, a bannanaphone, and a GI Joe!" Peter declared.

"That's quiete a list. You know what.." Sylar said hatching a plan.

"What is it Santa? Do you want me to dress up like a reindeer and pull your sleigh? I can do it!"

"It's not that..see. I was suppose deliver all those gifts tonight, but someone kidnapped them! I think I saw them going to an apartment! Peter, this means the world to kids. Let's save the world."

"You got it!" Peter said excitedly. He didn't bother reading the mans mind. It was time to save the world.

---

"Come on Santa! Let's go!" Peter said. Sylar smiled evilly at himself. He was such a babe.

"Yes. Let's go. Heh. Hehehehe! Ha ha ha!" Sylar cackled. Peter didn't seem to notice.

Nathan walked over to Peter.

"Hey, I got the gift. Let's go. What the--who is this?"

"Santa. He's coming with us over to Hiro's party. C'mon."

"This isn't a good idea, Pete."

"Relax, what can Santa do? It's not like he can kill us and eat our brains or anything, right Santa?" Peter joked as he punched Santa on the shoulder.

"Nope. Just good ol' fashioned fun!" Sylar faked.

"Allright. He can stay. I want some cookies. I am hungray!"

"Me too." Sylar agreed. FOR SOME BRAINS! MWHAHAHAHA MWHAHAHAHA, he thought.

---


	5. A Very Heroish Christmas p5

_This is it! The last part of the story! I apologize if this is rushed but I really didn't have a lot of time to finish this, so hopefully I covered everything. I hope you like this!_

Peter and Sylar opened the door. Nathan sprinted into the door.

"Santa! Santa! Santa! ITS SANTA EVERYONE!!! SANTA!!!!" Hiro said. He hugged Santa.

"Ho ho ho!" Sylar said. It was the only thing that Santa could say.

"Cookies!" Nathan shouted. He ran to the table and stuffed his face with cookies.

"Santa! You came! YATTA!! Ando said you weren't real!" Hiro revealed. Ando looked down in disappointment at himself.

"Hey Santa! Did you bring all my gifts that I wanted?! Micah said. He ran over, hoping Santa had all of his annoying, pointless, spoiled gifts.

"No!" Sylar said, patting Micah's head.

"Santa! Thank god you are here! People keep mistaking me for Santa!" Matt said happily.

"I can't imagine why." Sylar replied. He rolled his eyes.

"Hello there Santa. Want to hear some jokes?" HRG offered.

"Or some monologues?" Mohinder gushed, pushing HRG away.

"Or some melodramatic gobblings of a teen age girl?" Claire said, shoving Mohinder away.

"Or some candy canes?" Elle asked.

"Or some SNOOP DOGG to the shizzle records?" Bob asked, going in front of Elle.

"Or say Yatta and hold our arms for forty five minutes?" Hiro questioned.

"Actually..no..I just want to save the world. By getting what I want." Sylar said. Evil was in his voice.

"What we all want." Peter commanded.

"Freeze, everyone!" Sylar said. It was time to get some revenge.

---

"Allright, where is the monkey?" Peter asked. Sylar left his Santa suit on for the time being.

"Peter, what are you talking about?" Mohinder said. He considered himself like Dr. Phil. He had to figure out what was going on.

"You guys kidnapped Santa's gifts for all the children!" Peter said angrily. He was feeling emo.

"What? How could we do that? That doesn't make any sense at all." Matt said. What a dummy. Hiro looked closely at Santa. Then it came to him. IT WAS SYLAR!

"Don't confuse me, Matt. I know what you all are doing. Your being very naughty!" Peter said. He hurled Matt with his telekenesis.

"Peter! That's Sylar! The man who killed my girlfriend! And Mohinder's dad! And Alejandro! And Jackie! And Eden! And dozens of other people!" Hiro spouted.

"No! He couldn't be! I'm never wrong about anything! He has to be good!" Peter asked. He used his super strength and started punching random people. Nathan finished his cookies and milk and then walked over.

"Peter? You love me right?" Nathan asked.

"Yes." Peters said, out of breath.

"Then stop being so naive." Nathan said, slapping Peter. Then it clicked. It was Sylar! Peter snapped into focus.

"Sylar!" Peter said. It was time to battle.

---

"Time to kill everyone and eat their brains! W00t w00t!" Sylar said.

"All along you tricked me! You forced me to attack my friends!"

"Cause it's not the first time you've tried to end the world.." Everyone said with no emotion.

"Hey! I had good intentions!" Peter said to everyone.

"It's time to kill." Sylar announced. He hurled Peter across the room. Peter stopped time and stood behind him. Sylar had heard him with enhanced hearing. As time came back, Sylar grabbed Peter and froze his hand.

"I need a kiss for my boo boo!" Peter cried. In anger, Peter shot lightning at Sylar. Sylar was hit, he was uncoconcious. It was over. Resolved. That was quick.

---

"What should we do with Sylar?" Claire asked everyone. HRG spoke.

"Let's leave him here till we leave."

"I say we draw on him!" Ando suggested.

"Not now, ya'll, we have to eat dinner!" Hiro said. He brought over all the food he had worked so hard preparing. They dug into the delicious gormet of fancy food. Nothing but the best.

"Mmmm, these HotPockets are delicious!" Matt said as he ate one in one bite.

"I just wanted to well..can someone shine a spotlight on me?" Mohinder asked. Hiro turned out the lights and shined a spotlight on Mohinder.

"I wanted to say that-- We all are here. Now. We are all facing our destiny. We have all gone through the pathways of fate to get here. We have all braved the toughest challenges, faced cryptic enigmas. We have passed the blunderies that have been a facade in our ever blossoming depth of life." As Mohinder paused, Micah ran away from the table. Mohinder tried to continue like it didn't bother him. "Our lives have been coming to this point. This is the defining dinner of our stomachs. Christmas--aw heck I can't do this. Where did that brat go?" Mohinder said. He chased after Micah. Niki looked on.

"Hey, Niki, what ever happened with your alter ego thing?" Matt asked. It was supposed to be a joke, but then Niki looked in the mirror. Jessica emerged. She picked Matt up. Then, she started banging his head against the wall.

"Aah!" Matt said to himself. Everyone watched.

---

"Here's your present from me, Peter."

"You shouldn't have!" Peter said as he blushed.

"I know. _Stupid always ending the world person..gr.._"

Peter unwrapped the gift. It was a monkey!

"Zaboomafu!" Peter said. Zaboomafu came out of the box and ran around the house.

"If this was a story, and I was reading this, I would wonder what the hell the person reading this is thinking." Nathan concluded.

"Well said, Flying Man." Hiro said.

"Yeah..I mean..Wow. What a day." Nathan said to himself.

"Open your gift, Claire." Hiro said. He handed her Nathan's gift. Claire opened it.

"Lingerie! Thanks Nathan! I'm going to try it on right now!" Claire rejoiced.

"Please do!" Ando encouraged. HRG's face went red.

"You got her lingerie? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?" HRG roared.

"I didn't know what to get her!" Nathan answered defensively.

"Come on, young lady. Your mother and brother are probably both wondering why we flew all day to spend Christmas with a bunch of people we barely know. Even I don't know! Let's go!" HGR said, dragging the Haitain and Claire with him. Claire waved goodbye to everyone.

---

"Wow. Hm. Don't worry guys, next time I come face to face with a villian, they'll go down for sure!" Peter said confidently.

"Sure, after you spend time joining up with them and beating up the real heroes!" Ando said sarcastically.

"I'm sowwy." Peter said with a puppy dog face.

"It's okay. Group hug everyone!" Hiro said with a smile. Bob, Elle, Peter, Nathan, Hiro, and Ando posed for the picture.

"Oh my gosh, look at the time! It's 8:45! It's bed time! Let's go Nate, let's go Zaboomafu!" Peter as Zaboomafu jumped into his arms. Nathan joined him.

"Gosh, if this was a story, it looks like someone is trying to wrap it up." Nathan wondered out loud.

"I'll say. It's been poorly done too!" Peter agreed. He high-fived Bob and Elle.

"It's okay that you kidnapped me and help me captive! for like a long time! I forgive you." Peter said, giving the peace sign before closing the door.

"Yo, yo, yo! I gutta get crunk round hur, yo." Bob said. Hiro knew that it meant he had to leave.

"Candy cane anyone?" Elle asked. Hiro closed the door behind before Ando could answer.

"Geez, what a night. I'm exhausted!" Hiro said lazily.

"Same here. Christmas parties are a drag! We still don't know where Mohinder and Micah are! Plus, Matt is still getting beaten up by Jessica!" Ando agreed.

"At least you know your about to die!" Sylar said, rising from the dead.

---

"Sylar--No!" Hiro screamed. It was too late. Sylar used his telekenesis and hurled both Ando and Hiro against the wall. He laughed to himself.

"It is going to be a happy ending. For me. Ho ho--" Sylar said deviously- but then someone else joined in.

"Ho!" Someone said. It was Santa! Sylar tried to spin behind him, but it was too late. Santa clocked Sylar with all his bag of presents. He hit Sylar again and again. Sylar was knocked out again.

"Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas!" Santa said.

"I knew you were real! I told Hiro!" Ando said excitedly. Hiro looked at Santa and then fainted. Ando looked in awe at Santa.

---

"Sometimes in life..we must face the truths. Stories must end. They must be finished. The future is on the line. We have to face the truth in front of us.

"Ouch! Your hurting my beautiful face!" Matt complained as Jessica continued to bash his face into the wall.

"Heh, oops." Jessica said. The pain continued.

---

That we all must face challenges.

"Get over here you little brat! Running away from my sexy, raspy, monologue! Fiend!" Mohinder said.

"No!" Micah said as he continued to run.

---

We must overcome them.

Molly looked at the clock. She had been trying on dresses for seven hours. Ugh.

"Don't worry, I found another whole closet of old clothes for you to try on!" Angela said. Molly pressed her palm to her forehead in one motion.

---

Or we will lose it all.

Sylar greeted the audience as he walked into the chair. He was on Dr. Phil's show.

"Hello, Gabriel Gray/Sylar/crazy dude. What is your problem today?" Dr. Phil asked.

"It's just--oh my. This is hard. I fail everytime I try to destroy the world! It hurts my feelings, Dr."

"Do you have any family problems?"

"Yes..well..my family. My mom. Why didn't you love me Mom? Why didn't you love me?" Sylar complained. He started to cry.

---

...Eh...I can't think of anything more deep and profound to say. No!!!!!!

"I knew you were real! I told Hiro!" Ando said. Santa walked up to him. Hiro had fainted. Santa took one look at Ando. Then, he reached and pulled down Ando's pants. Ando was left in his boxers. Ando ran away in horror.

---

No!!!!!!!!

"Night, Zaboomafu." Peter said. He looked over at Zaboomafu as they both fell asleep on his racecar themed bed.

---

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nathan called President Bush.

"Is your toilet running?" Nathan asked.

---

UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Where have you all been?" HRG's wife, Sandra asked. She was wondering why only Mr. Muggles and Lyle were home.

"Uh---" HRG started, looking at Claire.

"Er--" Claire began.

"Eh--" The Haitain started. They couldn't tell the truth, that they had flown across the world to hang out with a couple of strangers.

"We've been. Uh. Um. Yeah." HRG said lamely.

---

Mohinder was done chasing Micah. He wasn't fast enough. Hiro was still unconscious from fainting. There was no one to see his dancing!

Slowly, he started to do the robot.

"Oh, yeah, Mohinder, you are one sexy dancer!" He said to himself. Next, he did the Egyptian. A disco ball seemed to come out of nowhere. He did the YMCA.

---

Hiro awoke from unconsciousness. He ran outside because he heard the footsteps of reindeer on his neighbor's roof.

"Santa? SANTA!!!!!!!!" Hiro screamed, waking up the neighborhood.

"Yatta!" Santa answered, holding his arms up. Hiro smiled. Best Christmas ever, he thought.

_THE END_

I hope you liked this little story. It started with the idea of mocking the TV show, and ended with mocking the TV show. It was all in all what I wanted to do! If you enjoyed this, check out my other stories, they are filled with bad attempts at humor! Thanks for reading this and Happy Holidays. Happy New Year!


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